Date: 12 Sep 91 02:33:38 GMT
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advocacy
From: barrett@cs.umass.edu (Dan Barrett)
Subject: Latest BM innovations (was: Valium Hardware Comparisons)
Summary: BLAZEMONGER in '92
Keywords: Asmodeus, prongs
In various and sundry articles, several gazillion people write:
>[OS/2 is God, OS/2 bites, OS/2 is, OS/2 isn't, OS/2 late, etc...]
First, I'd like to thank everyone folks for a beautifully reasoned,
polite, and fact-filled foray into the world of OS/2. I know I certainly
learned a lot. Like how to spell it.
Anyway, I am writing with some GOOD NEWS!! Thanks to you, we folks
at BLAZEMONGER INC. have decided to port BLAZEMONGER to the OS/2 platform!
Yes! This should satisfy all you folks who were planning on upgrading your
Amigas to run this fine operating system, but didn't want to lose your
GOD-GIVEN RIGHT to BLAST SLIME-BREATHING ALIENS into TINY PIECES OF LUNCH
MEAT!! And I don't blame you.
But the good news doesn't stop there! Not only are we *porting*
BLAZEMONGER... we are actually INTEGRATING BLAZEMONGER with OS/2, to form a
NEW, more POWERFUL, and [yes!] more VIOLENT operating system!!!
Introducing...
B S / 2
Yes, BLAZEMONGER SYSTEM/2 is the FASTEST OPERATING SYSTEM in the KNOWN
UNIVERSE!! NOTHING will be able to compete with it!! UNIX, VMS, DOS, Mac
OS, Emacs... *all* of these operating systems will SHRIVEL AND DIE in the
wake of the MIGHTY BS/2. Get a load of these AWESOME features:
o TRUE MULTITASKING! Hundreds or even THOUSANDS of processes
all running simultaneously in a BATTLE TO THE DEATH!!
o Over 500,000 LEVELS of FILESYSTEM for you to explore!!
o Total MEMORY PROTECTION! Any program that attempts
to fiddle with another program's memory is BLASTED
INTO A MILLION PIECES!!
o RESOURCE TRACKING! Thanks to an innovative AUTO-MAPPING
facility, you will know EXACTLY where each resource is
HIDING!!
o An unbelievable, multi-dimensional GUI!! Windows with
cracked glass, dripping blood, and UGLY HAGS peering out at
you! A mouse pointer shaped like a LASER DEATH RAY!
Magic SCROLL BARS covered with RUNES! And every file
has TEN ICONS... but nine of them are DEADLY TRAPS!!
o Background daemons that are *REALLY* DAEMONS!! When a file
is sent to the printer, Yeenoghu Himself will hand you the
hardcopy!
o Multi-threaded processes, constructed from the very webs
of GIANT BLACK WIDOW SPIDERS!!
** PLUS: a unique PROGRAMMER'S INTERFACE... with *TWO* fire buttons!!
Yes, it's BS/2! Coming soon to finer retailers all over the
MATERIAL PLANE! Hurry and get your copy before IT gets YOU!!
Dan
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| Dan Barrett -- Grad student, Department of Computer & Information Science |
| University of Massachusetts, Amherst, MA 01003 -- barrett@cs.umass.edu |
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ps: I probably should respond to a few questions about BLAZEMONGER that
I have been receiving by e-mail. It would appear we have a few
newcomers on the Net.
(?) "What is BLAZEMONGER?"
BLAZEMONGER is the FASTEST GAME EVER WRITTEN!! It was coded
for MAXIMUM SPEED by DIRECTLY rearranging the magnetic
particles on the disk -- no WIMPY programming languages for
US!! The game WHIZZES past your scorched eyeballs even
before you can TEAR OFF THE SHRINK-WRAP!!!
(?) "Where can I get it?"
REAL game-players KNOW where to get it.
(?) "Gosh, the above sounds suspiciously like a commercial. I
suppose you were involved in the creation and/or marketing
of the thing? If so, then the message is inappropriate for
Usenet, unless of course you'd like to pay us all for
distributing it for you." [YES! This is an ACTUAL QUOTE!!]
THANK YOU for your insightful remarks. We will try to
work your suggestion into a future version of the game.
[Snort!]
Copyright 1991 by Daniel J. Barrett. All rights reserved.
This article may be freely distributed, but may not be included in any
publication without the written permission of the author.
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