From: barrett@scooby.cs.umass.edu (Daniel Barrett)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advocacy
Subject: New Markets Under Our Noses! (was Re: Europe is SNOT enough)
Summary: Vote BLAZEMONGER for President in '92, Zippy for VP
Date: 29 Apr 92 23:00:58 GMT

In article  Mike_Whalen@agwbbs.new-orleans.LA.US (Mike Whalen) writes:
>In a message dated Wed 29 Apr 92 15:17, Hauer@roby.ecn.purdue.edu (corey Ha
[etc etc etc]

	Look, all this talk about Commodore's sales in Europe and the USA is
missing an important point.  Yes, "Europe is not enough," blah blah blah.
However, there are many OTHER vital markets that Commodore has completely
ignored.  It's time for CBM's marketing staff to sit up, put away their
BLAZEMONGER cheat sheets, and pay attention!

	Yo, Commodore!!  Here are some places that you *need* to begin
targetting IMMEDIATELY for increased sales!  I expect to see a complete
media blitz within the next 5 minutes, or else these babies are going to get
away from you!!  And by "media blitz", I don't mean the usual
one-30-second-commercial-airing-only-in-Buenos-Aires extravaganza that you
are so good at.

	Commodore needs to sell Amigas RIGHT NOW:

(1) In Antarctica

	Now, more than ever, Commodore needs to tap into the burgeoning
	"penguin peripheral" market.

(2) On remote mountaintops

	Statistics clearly show that 98% of all people living on
	remote mountaintops do not own computers at all!  What
	a terrific opportunity for Commodore.

	And even if the mountain people don't want Amigas, Commodore can
	always lure the Marketing staff to the top and abandon them.

(3) At 516 North Peanut Street, Chickenmilk, Wisconsin

	Yes, it's true:  Edna Snit doesn't have a computer yet.
	Hurry up, before IBM and Apple find her!!

(4) On other planets

	"Be the first in your solar system to own an Amiga!  Impress other
	sentient lifeforms!  Be a true Thing Of The Universe!"  These kinds
	of commercials *really* impress the aliens.

	But whatever you do, don't show them "Distant Suns!"  Even
	though we Earth people love this program, it will make the
	aliens laugh at humankind's pitiful understanding of space
	and maybe even destroy our planet.  Never piss off an alien.

(5) To the entire cast of "Gilligan's Island"

	WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??  These people are in dire need of
	your hardware!!  Can you imagine:

		SEE the Professor use his A600 to signal for help!

		SEE Ginger write the first "Desktop Fashion" software!

		SEE Skipper bonk Gilligan over the head with a Video Toaster!

		SEE Mr. and Mrs. Howell perform a hostile takeover and steal
		 Irving Gould's millions!!

	In a new episode, the island is discovered to be sinking.  Atari
	Inc. arrives in a boat and offers to rescue our heroes if they sell
	the island for "2 dollars a share."  When our heroes say that the
	island is worth more than that, Atari offers "1 dollar a share."


	So, Commodore... get WITH IT!  Heck, even a total IDIOT can think of
these kinds of wide-open markets!!  I mean, REALLY!  I mean... um... uh...

                                                        Dan

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| Dan Barrett -- Dept of Computer Science, Lederle Graduate Research Center |
| University of Massachusetts, Amherst, MA  01003  --  barrett@cs.umass.edu |
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Copyright 1992 by Daniel J. Barrett.  All rights reserved.
This article may be freely distributed, but may not be included in any
publication without the written permission of the author.