From: barrett@astro.cs.umass.edu (Daniel Barrett)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.graphics
Subject: The ultimate, ULTIMATE *ULTIMATE* MORPHING PROGRAM... ppthht!
Summary: A morph is a morph, of corph, of corph...
Keywords: Mr. Ed, taco sauce
Date: 5 Nov 92 21:06:12 GMT

	All of these vendor arguments about "whose Morphing software is
best" are totally LAME.  Especially since the *true* BEST morpher is
NONE OF THE ABOVE!  Of course, I'm talking about...

			*** MORPHMORPHMONGER ***

the FASTEST, COOLEST, and most VIOLENT morph program in the Amiga
marketplace, brought to you by the ULTIMATE PROGRAMMERS at BLAZEMONGER
INCORPORATED!!!  Get a load of these AWESOME FEATURES, DOOD, and see how
NONE of those other PSEUDO-morphers can COMPARE:

					MMM	ASDG	BB	Cinemorph
Graphic Interface
1. Infinite number of infinitely
   large windows			YES	NO	NO	NO
2. Onionskin, Quayle-potatoe skin,
   crispy skin, and HUMAN skin		YES	NO	NO	NO
3. Zoom IN, zoom OUT, zoom AT, and
   zoom BETWEEN				YES	NO	NO	NO
4. Full motion, 6000 fps, real-time,
   cholesterol-free, dolphin-safe,
   Cheez-Whiz-induced HALLUCINATIONS	YES	NO	NO	NO
5. On-screen rectal thermometer		YES	YES	NO	NO

Warping Technology
1. Guaranteed to warp young minds	YES	NO	NO	NO
2. Created by warped programmers	YES	MAYBE	MAYBE	MAYBE
3. Ahead warp factor 9, Scotty		YES	NO	NO	NO
4. Ability to warp the monitor screen
   glass into amusing, vaguely sexual
   shapes				YES	NO	YES	NO

Morphing Technology
1. Morpher your money			YES	BOO	BAD	PUN
2. Support for morphing images larger
   than your available reality		YES	NO	NO	NO
3. Audio module that plays the number
   one hit, "Morph Me Till It Hurts"
   by the Mutated Babies		YES	NO	NO	NO

Other Unique Features
1. Live goats provided via mail-in
   rebate coupon			YES	NO	NO	YES
2. "CIA-frying" mode			YES	NO	NO	NO
3. Copy protected			VERY	NO	NO	NO
4. Packaging contains photographs
   of naked ASDG, BB, and Cinemorph
   programmers being morphed into
   the shape of waxed fruit		NO*	NO	NO	NO

		* Available on request.

5. Endorsed by Carl Sagan's butcher	YES	NO	NO	NO
6. Satisfaction GUARANTEED or else
   we break your legs			YES	NO	NO	NO

	So take THAT, you hopeless, third-rate PRETENDERS TO THE THRONE!
MORPHMORPHMONGER is ALL that ANYBODY EVER NEEDS to perform the most
STUNNING, AMAZING, and HIGHLY ILLEGAL morphs IMAGINABLE!

	MORPHMORPHMONGER, and its optional kit, MORPHMORPHMONGERMODULES,
will be available in the 5th quarter of this year.  Watch for it!

                                                        Dan

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| Dan Barrett -- Dept of Computer Science, Lederle Graduate Research Center |
| University of Massachusetts, Amherst, MA  01003  --  barrett@cs.umass.edu |
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---
Copyright 1992 by Daniel J. Barrett.  All rights reserved.
This article may be freely distributed as long as it is distributed in its
entirety.  It may not be included in any publication without the written
permission of the author.  So nyaaah.