Article 43263 of comp.sys.amiga.applications:
Path: rcfnews.cs.umass.edu!barrett
From: barrett@dino.cs.umass.edu (Daniel Barrett)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.misc,comp.sys.amiga.advocacy,comp.sys.amiga.applications
Subject: PPC version of BLAZEMONGER announced (MUI 3.1)
Followup-To: comp.sys.amiga.misc
Date: 1 Dec 1995 04:34:45 GMT
Organization: BLAZEMONGER INCORPORATED
Lines: 82
Message-ID: <49m0l5$pku@kernighan.cs.umass.edu>
Reply-To: barrett@cs.umass.edu (Daniel Barrett)
NNTP-Posting-Host: dino.cs.umass.edu
Keywords: shrivel, fonebone, uh-oh chongo
Originator: barrett@dino.cs.umass.edu
Xref: rcfnews.cs.umass.edu comp.sys.amiga.misc:100260 comp.sys.amiga.advocacy:141761 comp.sys.amiga.applications:43263



FOR IMMODERATE RELEASE

                ESCOM AND BLAZEMONGER INCORPORATED
                   TO PORT FAMED COMPUTER GAME
                       TO POWERPC PLATFORM

                       MUI 3.1-Based Port
                      Shocks Computer World


Chickenmilk, WI -- December 1, 1995 -- BLAZEMONGER INCORPORATED, creator of
the ultra-violent BLAZEMONGER (TM) series of games, announced today that the
next version will run on the Power Amiga, Escom's upcoming PowerPC-based
computer.  "Yes, we're aware that the computer doesn't exist yet," said
Bobby Blazebleeder, First Programmer and Death Lord of BLAZEMONGER INC.
"That's never stopped us before.  We'll be finished in about three hours.
Then it will be Amiga Technologies' job to catch up."

The updated program, "BLAZEMONGER 961" (subtitled "Return of the Skin-Peeling
Kitchen Utensils of Fate") will feature the company's trademarked
cataract-inducing graphics, eardrum-piercing sound, and the latest new
development, "ScentSurround."  Loosely based on the similarly-named movie
theater gimmick from the 1970's ("Sensurround" would shake movie viewers'
chairs at appropriate moments), the "ScentSurround" system connects a thin
tube from the Amiga's external floppy port to the user's nose and mouth.  At
crucial points in the game, top-secret chemicals are sprayed into the user's
nasal passages.  "You should see what people do when they inhale dragon
pheremones," said Blazebleeder.  "No, on second thought, you shouldn't."

Even stranger is BLAZEMONGER INCORPORATED's announcement that the next
version of BLAZEMONGER will be based on MUI 3.1.  "I can't believe it," said
a stunned Harv Laser, Emperor-For-Life of the Amiga Zone on Portal.  "Who...
who would have suspected that BLAZEMONGER's ultimate programmers needed a
GUI builder to help them code?  Sigh.  I have lost all my faith in life and
will probably sell my body to Atari for spare parts."

Jim Drew of Utilities Unlimited was quick to confirm that BLAZEMONGER would
definitely run under the "Q" operating system as well.  (Rumor has it that
"Q" is based, at least in part, on disassembled BLAZEMONGER code.)

Other industry pundits take a harsher view.  "I predicted over twelve
billion years ago that this would happen," chortled Mork Bannett,
editor-in-chief of "The Rag-On-Commodore Rag."  "Blazemonger is a big phony.
I don't even think it exists, and here is proof."  Unfortunately, our
interview was cut short by the timely arrival of the BLAZEMONGER "Customer
Service" department.

But it appears that BLAZEMONGER INCORPORATED may have the last
thousand-decibel laugh after all.  "Those WIMPFACE industry 'pundits' are
scared of their own 3-D shadows," said Blazebleeder.  "'MUI' is really the
code name for our own, homebrew user-interface builder, MUTILATION USER
INTERFACE.  It is far more powerful and MUCH more violent than the 'other'
MUI, MagicUserInterface by Stefan Stuntz.  You want configurability?
MUTILATION USER INTERFACE lets you configure not only the appearance, size,
and location of every monster in BLAZEMONGER, but also the speed, memory
size, and number of processors in your computer!  Just set the tooltype
'PROCESSORS=64000' and you basically have a Connection Machine supercomputer
for under a thousand dollars."

Escom is reportedly "pleased" about its new association with BLAZEMONGER
INCORPORATED.  "They're pretty clever d00dz," said Dr. Peter Kittel,
Vice-President of Small, Furry Mammals at Amiga Technologies.  "Their
developers located a serious bug that we'd missed in our beta version of
AmigaDOS 4.0.  Rather than fix it, though, they actually rewrote the REST of
the operating system to turn the bug into a feature!  That takes GUTS, not
to mention serious mental derangement."

Watch for "BLAZEMONGER 961" coming soon to a dealer near you!

                                                        Dan

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| Dan Barrett -- Computer Science Dept, University of MA, Amherst, MA 01003 |
| http://www.cs.umass.edu/~barrett/public.html   --    barrett@cs.umass.edu |
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---
Copyright 1995 by Daniel J. Barrett.  All rights reserved.
This article may be freely distributed as long as it is distributed in its
entirety.  It may not be included in any publication without the written
permission of the author.  So nyaaah.