From: barrett@cs.umass.edu (Daniel Barrett)
Newsgroups: rec.music.cd
Subject: BMG 37 for 1/2!! (was Re: BMG 9 for 1 here (good for Newbies))
Date: 17 May 1995 05:54:57 GMT

[A previous poster] wrote:
>I have a number of mail-in cards for the BMG CD Club which I can use to
>introduce my "friends" to the club, and it allows me to get 3 free CDs as
>part of the deal.
>...
>If you want to join through me, email me the following info....

	Sorry, but I've got you beat.  Using my SUPER-SECRET METHOD
previously known only to PERUVIAN MONKS in REMOTE MOUNTAIN OUTPOSTS
(complete with fiber-optic Ethernet connections), you can actually get
*THIRTY-SEVEN* CD's for the price of 1/2.  Yes, 37 for the price of ONE HALF!

	Follow these steps EXACTLY, and within two weeks, you will have your
37 new CD's!!  Also, by sending a dollar to the first five names on the
mailing list below, you'll receive $50,000 by return post....  Oops -- sorry!
Wrong instructions!!

(1)	Obtain copies of both BMG's and Columbia House's "sign up" forms.
	For BMG, find a "10 discs for the price of 1/2" offer, and for
	Columbia, get the "10 discs for a penny" offer (where you have to
	buy 6 more later at regular club prices).

(2)	Sign up for both offers.  HOWEVER, don't fill in your real name and
	address.  On the BMG form, write your name as "Columbus A. House,"
	and give the Columbia house address as your own.  and on the
	Columbia House form, write "Bob M. Green," and fill in BMG's
	address.  (Are you getting the idea yet?)

(3)	Mail both forms, one week apart.

(4)	Get in your car and buy a full tank of gas.

(5)	Drive to Columbia House and camp out outside their mailbox.  When
	the free discs arrive from BMG, announce that you are "Mr.  House"
	and claim them from the postal carrier.

(6)	Wait a week, drive to BMG, and do the same thing, this time claiming
	to be "Mr. Green."  (Incidentally, if you are a woman, you can still
	use this SECRET METHOD.  Just wear one of those little false
	moustaches.  The postal carrier will not notice because most of them
	are nearly blind from holding up all those envelopes to powerful
	lights and squinting, trying to see inside them, hoping to read the
	latest juicy gossip about your Aunt Mabel who had her operation last
	week.)

(7)	Drive home.  At this point, you should have 16 CD's in your
	possession:  6 from BMG (you have to buy your "1/2" before you get
	the rest), and 10 from Columbia House.

	You won't have to buy any more CD's from these two clubs.  Because
	of your little trick, they'll be battling each other in court over
	who owes money to whom.  In any case, you'll have a year to get away
	before the deal runs out. :-)

(8)	Unwrap all the shrink wrap from the CD's.

(9)	Visit your local CD store.  Bring one of your new CD's with you.

(10)	When the salespeople aren't looking, slip your CD into the "used"
	bin.  Then call loudly for the manager.

(11)	When the manager arrives, complain loudly, in a voice that everyone
	else in the store can hear, that you have found a CD CLUB DISC in
	their used section, priced outrageously high.  "Don't you know that
	people get these discs for FREE?!?" you should shout.  "What a
	RIPOFF!!"

(12)	The store owner will look terribly embarrassed, take you aside, ask
	you to please keep your voice down, and give you a few CD's to shut
	you up.  Probably 2 or 3.  Let's say 3.

(13)	Leave the store.  At this point, you have 19 CD's.  (You *did*
	remember to swipe back your club disc from the "used" bin, I hope!)

(14)	Buy six extra telephone lines and have them installed in your home.

(15)	Spend a day calling every radio show on the air and entering their
	contests.  By the end of the day, you should have won 2 more CD's
	for free.  That brings the total to 21.

(16)	Now send email to the poster of the original article above, and do
	his "9 for the price of 1" deal.

(17)	Get your 9 CD's.  You now have 30 CD's for the price of 1.

(18)	Break one of your CD's in half, using an electric saw, sledge
	hammer, or grenade.  Mail it C.O.D. (for half of its price) to
	the original poster for a job well done.  Leave off your
	return address so he has to accept the package.

(19)	Your C.O.D. payment arrives from the postal service, so you have now
	been paid back for half of the cost of a CD.  Voila!  You now have
	received 30 CD's for the price of 1/2!!!

	(Sticklers will point out that you really only have 29 and a half
	CD's.  But that's because sticklers are useless dweebs, the type who
	ask ridiculous questions like "how can you get your C.O.D. fee if
	you omit your return address?"  Sticklers are best ignored, unless
	you can deduct them on your federal tax return.)


	Anybody who wants to participate in this AMAZING, ASTOUNDING,
TOP-SECRET "37-for-the-price-of-1/2" deal with me should send email to
flamebait@monks.remote.mountaintop.pe.  And if you act RIGHT NOW, I'll show
you an INCREDIBLE METHOD for getting HUNDREDS more CD's COMPLETELY FOR
FREE!!!  For details, simply send me your full name, address, the size of
your CD collection, and a list of times that you will not be at home.
Thanks, and happy listening.

                                                        Dan

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